for those about to rock, we salute you:

AKA : erimin
Email : erimin@yahoo.com
Location : Malaysia
Age : Who wants to know?


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Efun




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    Tuesday, January 31, 2006

    Happy Chinese New Year

    Good drugs, hard whiskies, cool music, 2 Turbo ( V6 Twin Turbo + Evo4 ) cars and 1 stock engine ( 4G93 ) race....what a way to celebrate Chinese New Year. Completely stoned now, somebody gives me a wake up call.

    [6:28 AM]


    Saturday, January 28, 2006

    Business Proposal

    Woke up real late today, thanks to the perfect combo of beers and drugs last nite. Wanted to sleep till dinner but then i realized dammit it's CNY eve and im yet to wash my car. Not a big deal not to wash my car but then to make my parents feel his son has grown up and have hairs everywhere on his body i grabbed a quick shower and dump my car at the petrol station.

    i can hardly believe looking at the amount of cars there, there were like millions of car there. I thought to myself for a while there, damm this is good business. I was filled up with creativeness aura all of a sudden, ideas flying in my brain, and for the moment there....i had this sure-making-money business proposal. This is what im gonna do if i ever get an investor for this business :
    1) Hire big tits and jack ass hotties and hunkies to wash the car. Imagine these chicks washing your car with their boobs and grins evilly at you or those hunkies wearing nothing but undies.
    2) Build a special aircond room. Customer gets to see their car and have a 1-on-1 sort like interview section with the car washer. You can only talk and see while she/he washing your car, anything beyond is negotiatable.
    3) Que up, choose your car washer, do your business, pay and goodbye. Fantastic, isnt it?

    Feel free to mail me if only you are interested investing. Happy chinese new year, dont drink and drink....drink and get laid.

    [7:49 PM]


    Tuesday, January 24, 2006

    Fire In The Hole

    I was in the office and all of a sudden i felt something is trying to crawl out from my bunghole. Alrite, let me get it straight...it was nature's call, to be more descriptive...its a BIG one. So i went in to the toilet, got into a perfect position, light up my ciggie and *BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM* ( im sure Will Smith got this song when he was doing the same business ). Without any warning, I summoned up the demonic almost 20cm long meteor from my bunghole and as i stared at it, i wish my dick was that long.
    When i came out from the holy place, my account girl asked me...."Wahh you buat bisnes cepat la!". I only took like 6-7 minutes, was that fast? Come to think about it, my dad made his business in like approximately 20minutes. I mean wat else do you want to do? You go in, do your business, come out, wash your fucking hands and end of the story ( i forgot, you need to wipe your ass as well ). You're not gonna shit and then eat the shit back and shit again rite? Then i would probably understand why it takes longer time.

    [9:51 PM]


    Monday, January 23, 2006

    The Beetles

    I was driving Donz back to Klang last weekend :

    Me : Hows it going man ?
    Donz : Im the main man in my company now ! Dun you fuck around wit me.
    Me : Ohh so now damm kaya already la.
    Donz : Fuck im hungry, i feel like eating bah ku teh.
    Me : Yah me too man, but i only have like errmmm few bucks left. IF only you know what to do then ill tag along, wat do you think man? (*hinting him to spend*).

    Donz : *showing me his usual kena KingKong slap face*

    Donz : Ohh by the way, im getting a new car real soon. ( changing topic to avoid from spending me bah ku teh - stingy fucker ).
    Me : You getting a Benz or something?
    Donz : No man, its a classic car...fucking classic.
    Me : Wtf car la? Got 6 wheels one izzit?
    Donz : No la, very classic one....
    Me : Tiu what car la, dont be so fucking secretive.
    Donz : Im getting a Wolksvagen Beetles man, rock eh?
    Me : Walan, that car damm expensive la....almost 200k rite?
    Donz : No la fucker im getting the old type one la, like Herbie one.
    Me : Tiuuuuuu, i thought u getting the new Beetles.
    Donz : The old one damm rock leh, imagine..driving that car wearing Hawaii suits, shirt, pants and the hat....damm kau rock rite? Then wear the Hippy PEACE rantai, wallow ..i tell you man, damm kau rock and yeng chai.
    Me : *takes a deep breath* nia mah you damm kau ah beng la.
    Donz : Im gonna modify my car, gonna make it looks damm funky...any idea ah? I wanna make it looks funky and yet classic.
    Me : So you want to wank the wall and Angelina Jolie at the same time la. How much budget you have for the modifications?
    Donz : About 3-4k kuah.

    So i came up with some COOL modifications for Donz's Beetles. This is how the old Beetles model looks like ( before modification ) :









    I have to consider a lot of factors for the modification, such as below :
    1) Donz is a slow and clumsy driver, the car needs to be TOUGH.
    2) This dumbfuck wants something FUNKY and yet looks CLASSICAL.
    3) He wants his Beetles to be different from others and rox.

    So i came up with this ( thx fishy for the design ) :










    Specifications of the car :
    1) Big fucking wheels, so that you can see things clearly and in case you bang others, you would definitely be safe ( that fucker gonna end up in hospital ).
    2) Im gonna install an additional button on your steering, press it and you'll have your car wings loaded and you're ready to fly. Cool eh ?
    3) and i even design the colours for you to choose, happy? rox?










    There you go, Donz and his fucking Beetles.

    [3:42 PM]


    Thursday, January 19, 2006

    Si peh professional

    I need to reset my customer's streamyx password so i pick up the phone and call streamyx center.

    *Dialing 1300-88-9515*

    Operator : "For Bahasa Malaysia, Press 1....For English press 2 ..."( and a lot more craps )
    Me : *Press 2*
    Operator : "For Streamyx or Tmnet...."*blah blah blah* Press 1 for Sex ( just kidding - and the craps continue ).
    Me : *Press for technical support*
    Operator : "Hallo ini Kingkong ( cant remember her name ) sedia membantu, apa saya boleh tolong?"
    Me : *i thought i pressed on something just now that should lead me to "ENGLISH"?*
    "Saya nak reset password".
    Operator : "Can i have your username ?"
    Me : *WTF?! I only pressed for one language !* "yah my username is xxxxxxx"
    Operator : Tunggu sebentar cik
    Me : *WTF again! something wrong with my phone?!* "Boleh".
    Operator : "I already check your account, we will reset your password to the default password."
    Me : "Ohh ok, tiu nia ma kasih" ( i didnt say that of course )

    They are very efficient, no doubts. I've been spending a couple of minutes just to hear "Press 1 for....Press 2 for....Press 3 for", press my balls ! and no matter i press on English or BM....i will still be talking in "Bahasa Malaisia" ( mixtures of English, BM, chinese and whatever languages available in Malaysia ) in the end. So why press here and there? Si peh PRO !

    [6:29 PM]


    Wednesday, January 18, 2006

    UFO ( Unidentified Fucking Object )

    Im sure you guys have heard of "dildo" before, in case you dont...dildo is actually a sex toy. Yes exactly, a sex toy made for women to please their hunger needs. Dildo simply replaces the holy object of men when it is not available, so its common for a woman to at least owned one dildo.

    We're living in the 20's and we human being are progressing and improving each and every fucking seconds, we can even clone our own kind and fly up to Mars. I was shocked when i got this spam mail ( i've got like thousands of spam mails daily ), not that i was shocked with the news but was absolutely shocked with the picture. Peep it here :






    Holy fucking cow ! Simply amazing isnt it? Who would've thought that we men could no longer need to dirty our hands to do the mission impossible. There you go, go to the website, order it, pay online and you'll be having fun in the next few days. Can you fucking believe this?! I wonder if we are gonna have a droid that could "help" us in the future. We human kind are just so creative, dont you feel proud of it?

    [1:50 AM]


    Monday, January 16, 2006

    Uncloseable

    I hate KL traffics, wherever you go in KL you just cant escape the jam. I was driving along the way and stucked in the never-ending traffic jam this afternoon. I kept on yawning courtesy of some good porns last nite ( Lord Of The Ring actually - cover up ) and there was once when i open up my mouth and roar, damm ! it got stucked ! i couldnt shut it ! I couldnt move the jaw and i couldnt do any shits. It was like having 100 cucumbers stucked into your sorrow ass. I thought it was the end for me ! Im gonna die ( i know im not - moron ), panic surrounds me and i have no idea how im gonna shut my fucking mouth again. It just fucking stucked there!

    Does this cause by the teeth structure? Cannot be, ive a well arranged and sexy teeth. Some kind of watching-too-much-porns bug? I dont know if anyone else faces this shit before, but i did asked a few friends and they claimed no. Do i need to reinstall or reprogram my teeth or jaw ( im an IT guy, so im used to computer language ) ?

    Back in the car, i started to calm down...it looks stupid to have your mouth open up that wide and jumping panic-ly in the car. So i used my hands to cover up my golden mouth and slowly i rubbed around the mouth and the face. After a few rubs and with the support of my strong jaw muscle ( im a good licker lol ! ), it goes back to normal. I have my fucking mouth shut ! I thought to myself , ma cipet wtf just happened?!

    [6:08 PM]



    Ultimate Under

    Bought something new today, before i introduce the new one...let me present you the old one first. Ladies and gentlemen, the Calvin Klein 365 Boxer Brief Men Underwear. I never thought of buying a new one but since ive got like 52345 holes in my old CK Boxer Brief undie, i decided to hunt for a new undie. Here's how my old undie looks like :










    So i was at this shop and amazed at the varities of undies they have but somehow my eyes were attracted by this :











    Yes, the CK XT Men Underwear. Designed to cope with the most intense workout - the Calvin Klein XT sport brief is soft, light and has a snug, athletic fit. It features the trademark CK branding at the waistband and is cut extra high at the sides for great freedom of movement. Im not shitting you guys, go buy one and trust me....you'll feel as if your cock is hanging on ice. Its so fucking comfortable and cool.

    [12:47 AM]


    Saturday, January 14, 2006

    Trivia

    So ermmm, i was playing Warcraft on Battlenet US West Server ( a computer online game ) and i happened to join channel "dota". And to my suprise, they actually have a trivia bot there ! Everybody was busy cracking the nutshell with heaps of moronic questions from the bots.

    Trivia.Bot : A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." What is the best respond should the woman give?
    Darkness : Give him a slap !
    Orc.Semen : Fuck Off !
    Elf[noobie] : You son of a ..........

    ( *clueless* )

    Trivia.Bot : You have another 10 seconds to answer.
    Me : Fuck you bot !
    Human.CN : What the fuck ........
    eric35345 : heck is the answer? wtf?!

    Trivia.Bot : Times UP !!!
    Trivia.Bot :
    The approriate action or words :
    "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

    I'll slap that bot with a double cheese burger if i ever meet him in real life.

    [1:45 AM]


    Wednesday, January 11, 2006

    Best UPSR Bahasa Melayu karangan

    "Keluarga Saya"
    Semua orang di dunia ini ada keluarga. Keluarga ialah family dalam bahasa orang putih. Keluarga mempunyai ayah, ibu, abang, kakak, adik, nenek, datuk, pak cik, mak cik dan etc.

    Pertama kali saya ingin memberitahu bahawa semua orang di dunia ini mempunyai keluarga yang aman damai dan tidak berperang tetapi ada juga yang tidak damai kerana mereka berperang.

    Saya ingin menceritakan pula tentang keluarga saya. Saya mempunyai seorang ibu dan ayah tetapi ibu saya kata dia pernah tidur dengan tiga orang lelaki di hotel di mana dengan itu sah bahawa saya ini anak luar nikah kerana darah saya berlain jenis dengan ayah saya yang ada di rumah ini. Ayah tidak peduli bila ibu keluar dengan lelaki lain. Ibu pula tidak risau jika ayah tidak pulang ke rumah walaupun hampir satu bulan.

    Kakak dan abang saya tidak lagi bersekolah kerana mereka sudah berhenti. Kakak saya cantik seperti mirip wajah Marilyn Monroe yang sudah mati itu. Dia mati kerana terlanggar motokar datuk saya yang enjinnya berkuasa 500cc.

    Abang saya handsome atau kacak seperti Amitabh Bachan atau Sunjay Dutt, kadang kala muka dia berubah seperti Aacapan bila dia baru bangun tidur. Bila dia habis mandi muka dia macam muka dia sendiri. Itulah kelebihan abang saya.

    Seterusnya saya menceritakan tentang adik saya. Walaupun saya tidak ada adik tetapi saya tipu kamu dengan mengatakan bahawa saya ada adik .

    Demikianlah cerita tentang keluarga saya bahagia walaupun sebenarnya tidak. Sekian harap maklum.

    Yang Ikhlas,
    Bob

    and he got a 2 1/2 point out of 100, im sure he's gonna be an influential blogger in the near future. Hidup Bob !

    [5:43 PM]



    Initial D

    Its holiday and i've nothing much to do or anywhere interesting to go. So i decided to pillage my brother's DVDs collection box and found this pretty new movie ( the title says it all ). Im a initial D ( the cartoon ) fan myself and here's what i found from the movie.

    1) First of all, Edison chan ( or was it chen? ) shouldnt be acting the RX7 FC driver role. He sux in that role ( sux big time ) and the real Ryousuke Takashi are far more matured and stylish. I've seen another Hong Kong movie where Edison starred in it ( some cock love story ) where he actually drift down a mountain ( in Japan as well ), he just love that kinda character when he cant even drift ! Fucking wannabe. Somebody like ermmm....Cheng E Kin ( im not a big fan of him nor am i a Hong Kong star fan ) would suits this role better.
    2) Jay Chow as Takumi Fujiwara.... PERFECT ! He has that noobie-ahbeng-stoned face and he fits that character perfectly.
    3) Anthony Wong played another perfect role in this film as Takumi's father Bunta Fujiwara. But as far as i know, this fucker is stoned most of the time when in the real cartoon he isnt.
    4) Anne Suzuki as Natsuki Mogi. With or without her, she doesnt make much impact to that movie but anyway...shes pretty hot.
    5) Shawn Yue as Takeshi Nakazato. Shame on you ! In the real cartoon, this moron prefers grip style racing and not drifting. Did you do your homework Mr. Director?
    6) Chapman Tou as Itsuki Tachibana. He's funny but he's way tooooo smart from the original character and what the fuck, he has no blood relationship with the gas station owner ! Imagine KingKong and Ultraman is blood related, foolish isnt it.
    7) Jordan Chan as Kyouichi Sudou. Another perfect one, he's cocky and gay-ish.
    8) Kenny Bee as Yuuichi Tachibana. Another sad case, go do your fucking homework Mr. Director , God damm it !

    Overrall, this movie is excellent except that its drifting away from the original story.

    [1:34 AM]


    Monday, January 09, 2006

    When There Is Nothing To Blog

    1 + 1 = 2
    2 + 2 = 4
    3 + 3 = 6
    4 + 4 = 8
    5 + 5 = 10

    Thank You, Good nite

    [1:28 AM]


    Wednesday, January 04, 2006

    Mighty Joe Hamster

    I was at this cybercafe ( our usual hang out ) with efun in the evening and while we were busy owning some noobs, his phone rang. He was talking so softly, smiling like he just won Malaysian Idol and from the expression on his horny KingKong face i know exactly who is the caller. So he was hooked on the phone for some time with that "mysterious" caller while i was busy searching for the culprit who backstab my ass in the game ( i was playing Dota at that time ). I couldnt hear what was the conversation all about as he was talking real soft and afterall, i dont really bother ( like the fuck he's talking with Angelina Jolie ).

    We went for mamak after the gaming session and as usual, once we terrorized a table we took out our ciggie ( yah ciggie is more important than drinks ) and began to cock about our games just now. Slowly, he began to tell me the conversation with the "mysterious" caller just now. Ok check this out, this is funny shit. It was his girl friend who called, she told him she just bought a new hamster....a female hamster. She actually have another hamster, a male hamster ( yah the one with a dick ). You know shit happens when you put a male and female together. It gets worse when you fill in the cage with a female hamster when that desperate male hamster has been trapped in there for ages without porns VCD. She actually put them together in the same cage, and not to my suprise.....that wicked little male hamster began to go near the female and began to show his macho-ness. You know animals loveeeeee oral sex as well....that male hamster started to lick and smell her *you know* and she was raped in less than 5 minutes. Whose fault? You're smart enough to put them together.

    [10:41 AM]


    Tuesday, January 03, 2006

    2006 Resolution

    I dont really welcome new year by making new resolutions, i wouldnt wait for new year if i ever wanted to make changes about my goals or misery life. But then again, im lost this time...totally clueless and desperately needed some motivation or kick in the ass.

    I dont enjoy my work, ive been around with this company for a year half and yet i aint going no where. I do agree that this company will grow and it has some potential BUT not what i wanted to do. Im driftting away from my dream, ive always wanted to do RnD ( Research & Development ). Setting up servers, computer networking, internet, firewall, Linux....these are my cup of tea. Seriosuly, i need some time of my own to sit down and think about it. Being a rock star not a pretty bad idea though, sign me up anyone?

    I used to be a man with full of confidence...somehow,somewhere,somewhat i fucking lost it. The way i talk, smile, work...it just aint there, get what i mean. Im not being myself and the fuckiest part is im immune to all these not-being-myself and not-trying-to-make-any-changes lifestyle. I gotta change ! I need to search for the lost i-am-great attitude. Think ill go get some beer and google it.

    Whats in store for 2006 ?

    [1:51 AM]

       
       
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