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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Petrol up 30 fucking cents
Fuck kau u, increase again ! 30cents some more ! pu nia boh...malaysians fucking rich issit? What the fuck is wrong here, how many fucking times want to increase la?!
KUALA LUMPUR: The price of petrol and diesel is up by 30 sen a litre effective today, the highest increase in the past two years.
However, the Prime Minister's Department, in a statement, said that this would be the only increase for the year.
Public transport and commercial vehicle operators only face a 15 sen rise for diesel.
“The Government has decided to introduce a direct subsidy for these operators, making up 84% of diesel users, through a fleet card scheme,” the statement stated.
( quoted in The Star )
So dont fucking bother to call, SMS or message me...ill be away for a couple of years to intensively experiment replacing our fucking fuel tank with water tank or urine tank. Ill be back soon ! Petrol my balls.
[11:37 AM]
Income Tax
Same old shit every year...hate that fucking letter - INCOME TAX ! Why am i paying income tax when im not getting the best out of it ? and i happened to know, petrol increases 30cents per litre today ! money money money money, can i at least save a couple of bucks every month without having to pay all these craps? car bills, phone bills, insurance, streamyx...blah blah blah and the fucking list goes on. If you are paying income tax as well, i've got a few tricks to insure you get audited !
- Trick number one, PAY IN PENNIES. Now go find your pinky little piggie bank and blow em up.
- Claim your cat ( or dog or tiger or whatever shits you have ) as dependent.
- Claim charitable deductions that equal more than your total income.
- On the line that asks what you made this year, answer "Trouble"
- Wait till the last minute and copy the numbers from the guy standing next to you in line at the post office.
- Fill out your forms in yellow crayon.
Yah tax me you son of a KingKong!
[11:10 AM]
Thursday, February 23, 2006
WhoooOoooosshh
Went down to Ah keong's ( my mechanic ) garage after work, need to service my car. I reached there and couldnt find his ass until i heard something like "knn, mana itu screw?!), tht was his desperate voice scolding his Indian assistant. Drove in the car and while he was molesting my car, we started to puff a little and have some chat.
Me : Apa macam, ho seh boh? ( doing fine? ).
Mechanic : ok ok la... can earn a bit.
Me : Porsche also you service wor...mana eh beh ho seh ( there was a Porsche there ).
Mechanic : aiyooo siau eh, kenot earn much one la. These fuckers that drive sui car useless one, they got nice car nia but not nice wallet.
( both laughing our ass off )
Me : Boh project meh lately?
Mechanic : Got la, one fella transplant his engine to VR4 Turbo.
Me : Ok mah like tht, can earn a bit.
Mechanic : Muahahah, that fella damm lansi. After the engine transplantation, he wans to show off so he took it for a spin. At the first stop light, a young fella rides up next to his car. Without an invitation, the young fella sticks his head in the car and says "Your car got Turbo one ah? How fast can go?".
Me : And then?
Mechanic : That fella lansi la, he answered "somewhere around 240 la, i go up to 240 scared liao..still can go one". Then that fella nods in disbelieve AND just then the light turns green and this lansi fella decides to show him what the car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 240.
Me : Waiisehhh...lansi la like that.
Mechanic : Hahahah, u listen first. While he was showing off...suddenly, he notices in his rear view mirror a dot that seems to be getting closer and closer, so he comes to a stop. Then, whooooooooshhh, something goes flying by. You know la, he was driving Turbo and was driving so fast that time, he was wondering what the heck wat that. Suddenly, the same blur comes racing back toward him, and whooooosshhh, passes right by. This time he got a better look and could have sworn it looked like the young fella on the motorbike just now.
Me : Walan, wat motorbike la ! so fast one
Mechanic : hahahaha kapchai only, Boon Huat motor... lol
Me : *laugh* kenot be wat....cheat me ah
Mechanic : That fella also dun believe ! Suddenly, he sees it again in his rear view mirror and wham ! It smashes into the back of his car. That fella jumps from his car and sure enough, it's the young fella on the motorbike that crashed into him.
Me : Wallow, that motorbike so fast one ah.
Mechanic : hahahahaha, listen finish first la. So that lansi fella asked him "Are you ok? is there anything i can do for you?". The young fella replied "Yes, unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror please !"
*both laughing hysterically*
[1:19 AM]
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
T-Day
A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.
I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."
[10:21 AM]
Monday, February 13, 2006
Resignation Letter
An ICQ friend came to me and asked if i could write her a resignation letter, i came up with this creative one :
To The Unpersonable B*tchy Management
Per the piece of crap I signed on my first day of this dreaded job, I hereby give 2 minutes ( yes fuc*ing 2 minutes ) notice of my intention to leave this awful company.
My short time here has been one of despair and misery. Staring into the blank, asexual, arse-chop features of my colleagues every morning has been a constant pleasure surpassed only by observing your talent for employing the talentless nerds in the first place. I'm sorry to hear that you count some of them as sushi-buddies. I can't take the post-modern deconstruction and bad dress sense any longer - I'm off. I'm taking a sabbatical in Guatemala. I've heard life's more authentic out there.
My crazy, stick-thin girlfriend awaits me outside on the Micro-Scooter.
Yours
[4:34 PM]