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Friday, September 28, 2007
Malaysia Prime Minister
A friend of mine who is actively into politics sent me a link and asked me to support the author of the blog or at least take a peep. He’s not the only one. I’ve been hearing a lot of hype about this blog. So, I went to the blog and looked at his issues stances to see if I could get why this blogger is getting so much hype from some bloggers and see if he is really someone who deserves my support. It was certainly interesting to say the least. The focus of the blog is about the Malaysian political system. Warm fuzzy debates, controversial issues, corruptions etc. My first impression when it comes to politics blog is it will be all sterile and boring, I may just get too bored and goof off. Just seems to be the likely probability BUT not in this case. This guy has got something, he has got the balls.
What really hit me was how our Malaysia Prime Minister runs the country. It was a disaster, a complete mess. If you are Malaysian or you know what's going on in Malaysia, then you know what i'm talking about. My friend asked me, if you were Prime Minister, what would you do? Cut taxes? Beef up the military? Send our leaders on a five-year "fact-finding" mission to Shaolin Temple?
Who would ever let me become prime minister? The people sitting at the top would never let a commoner like me become a prime minister! But let us suppose for a moment that I am elected prime minister - I would change the very face of this country. Just how I will achieve this will be rather simple. You see all our leaders today are completely corrupt. I am not connected with any particular party and I have never cast my vote. For the first time in my life, i'm gonna write about my 5 cents on how to serve the country better.
The first thing I would do would be to stop policemen taking money from us forcibly on a regular basis. The major problem that Malaysia faces today is corruption. You have to pay money for everything. We are responsible for corruption because we give them money. For instance if I am stopped at the traffic signal, instead of giving my driving license to the policeman I would prefer to bribe him. But today I have stopped doing that. So the first thing as individuals we need to do is stop bribing these men because we are to blame for giving corruption a lead. And if the level of corruption lessened, our society would drastically improve. To counter corruption, I would put systems in place. We need system checks. I would look at the grassroots level, fight corruption there. Also I would try to better the standard of living of the people so then they would not need to take bribes or beg for livelihood. This in turn would defeat corruption. Yes ! 1-0 to me.
Secondly, I would change the infrastructure. It's pathetic. I drive to work everyday, the roads are pathetic, there are traffic problems and it's all linked to corruption.
I firmly believe that with good education the problem of unemployment would be solved to a large extent and that in effect would eradicate poverty. I shall create new employment opportunities and also work towards alleviating poverty in the country. I know it cannot be achieved overnight, but sustained efforts towards this will surely prove fruitful within a certain period. People here take to crime only because they do not have anything worthwhile to do.
And finally, I would also like to make politicians a lot more accountable. Corruption is the root cause of lack of development and I would try and make our government a lot more transparent. I shall also try and enact tough laws to check corruption in bureaucracy which have squandered enough public money so far. I shall also make people in power accountable to the public wherein the elected representatives will have to show results during their tenure. They have to take concrete steps to improve living conditions of the people. If they don't, then I shall bring in a law barring them from contesting in forthcoming elections.
[3:33 AM]
Thursday, September 27, 2007
If I Were To Die
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever," is a famous quote by Gandhi. It is a wonderful reminder of how we all need to be living our lives more fully. You may dwell on why your sibling can't help you more or offer more support. You may think why do I have to take care of my parent, spouse or child; you may feel as if you have given up your life. You may constantly ask yourself "Why me?" You may also feel as though the whole world revolves around you and your needs. Well, the truth is that these are all valid thoughts, emotions and needs that we go through.
Am I completely there? No.
Do I live every single day as if it were my last? No.
But it is enough for me to say that I have. For a long time now, I’ve lived in an objective, detached way- whilst still enjoying it as much as I can. Ultimately, life is to be lived- and if you were to die tomorrow- can you honestly say that you were happy? That you learned a lot, helped a lot and just gave life your all? Few can- but I feel that I’ve got a little closer to it.
I’m still not there completely- but who is? And why do I have to be, when I’m comfortable with my current level of psychological freedom?
If you were to die and come back as any thing you want, what would it be? Trust me, people like Donz will choose to be Angelina Jolie's panties.
[4:13 AM]
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Confusion
What do you want in your life? World peace? A cookie? Immortality? Comfortable shoes? To be cool? To be hot?
We're all so busy that sometimes we don't just stop and try to figure out what we really want. Not what we want to buy or wear or even eat, but what we want out of life. None of us really know what's going to happen tomorrow, much less in five or ten years. So take a break. Turn off the TV and radio. Shut down the computer. And take some time to think. You may not be able to answer this question today, or tomorrow, or in three weeks or months. But if you have this question in your head, you are closer to finding an answer.
I just want to be simply myself, wherein I can use all my potentials and talents so that I could shine and make a difference to the world--one step at a time! End of the day, all I want is just me, my guitar shop, my wife and my children running around. Yah i know it sounds lame.
What i am , i am happy with that and of course everyone has their own dream to fulfill and i have my own and i will try my best to achieve my goal, but the first thing we have to keep in mind is that we have to be honest.
I've always liked questions. Questions open doors behind which lie fascinating answers one might never have discovered without the question. I especially like questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no." And the most interesting of all are questions that lead to why a person believes a certain thing and how he or she came to a particular conclusion or belief.
Aiyak enough la, time to sleep.
[3:31 AM]
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee sidekick *waaaaAAaa ChahHHhhhhhhhhhhhh*
[5:12 AM]
Friday, September 21, 2007
Prince Crap
I found a couple of old CDs in my store room this evening. I was going through some old discs and ran across my old Metallica, Nirvana, Sepultura, Guns N Roses, Skid Row, Ugly Kid Joe and many more. Cracks and pops aside, it was awesome to throw this album on. I have a couple of LP's that are begging to be played and honestly it would be worth the purchase to buy a record player again just to sit and listen for an evening.
I would like to preface this story with a little known fact about myself - I am a music lover. I think that there is very little in this world that is greater, or more powerful, than a death hungry musician. Most bands or singers don’t know when it’s time to simply stfu and live off of royalty checks. So how do we identity such bands or singers and set the stage for the sux-fest? Let me give you one very good example - Prince ( refer to the pictures attached below - yah the one who looks like a Prince Charming ).
Prince, Princess, Gay Prince….what the fux ever. He has absolutely no talent in music. Every God damn time I hear his fuxing song make me want to kill myself. I just wanted to get it off my chest, sorry if you are a Prince fan. You might think i was objectively wrong. Why do you love his music then ? Is that because you are unable to maintain an erection? *duh*.
I believe that Prince knows that his purple reign is now over - boh liao. Prince is doing what every artist formerly known as good has had to do. He's selling out, and it's never pretty. What? He's singing rock and roll music?? He's recording it and giving it away free with a newspaper??? AHHhhhh enough of Prince shits here, i'm going to bed.
[3:31 AM]
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Poison Jap
Have been sick for the last 2 days, i think Donz fuxing poison me with the Jap food.
[10:22 AM]
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Free Dinner
I got the following SMS from Donz this afternoon :
"Knn my networking really noob. Still having problems getting my Domain Controller up. Situation getting critical liao, need help. I'm using windows small business server 2003 ( sbs 2003 ). It is a flavour of windows server 2003. The setup is modem --> WAN NIC --> server --> LAN NIC --> Router --> switch --> client. I think the problem is with integrating DNS with active directory. When i do nslookup from the client, it cannot detect any domain. Also when I set get IP automatically on the client, it returns the 169.254.xxx.xxx APIPA IP ! Knn really need your help. Can you drop by after work?"
Fuxing cheong hei SMS rite? He has no idea what this SMS will cost him!! I decided to "help" him of course, since i know him since the age of 7. But of course, every thing comes with a price - like some Japanese cuisine ;) Check out the pics below :
We went to Subang SS15 Rakuzen Japanese cuisine and it only cost my good friend a whooping Rm140 for this meal, damm i should've order lobster. I'm good at the emotional consolation stuff when people get upset ( for paying the bill ), so as promised, i went to Donz's office to help out with his problem. Call me co-dependent, but I feel truly happy helping others, BlueeeEEEEeekkkk !!! Now, scroll up and read the SMS Donz sent me. SCROLL UP !!!!!!
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Sounds complicated rite? Here's my professional opinion after reading his SMS. There are a number of things that can go wrong with his problem. but, like any other network problems, you just gotta sit down and troubleshoot from every angle - hardware, software, configuration etc. Fortunately, his problem is easier to fix than people realizes, and let me come up with a five-point plan for getting my little friend back on his feet. Some of my steps are basic network troubleshooting skill, but some of it is a little more guerrilla. Take heed, though, as the farther into my plan you delve, the greater the chances you’ll kill your warranty or permanently damage your entire network. But, then, if you’re desperate enough to go that far, chances are your warranty is up anyway, so what have you to lose, adventurer? Here you go :
Step 1 : Grab a ciggie.
Step 2 : Light it up.
Step 3 : Look at the router.
Step 4 : Tell Donz he plugged in the cable on the wrong port.
Step 5 : Thank Donz for the dinner.
The above steps took me less than 1 minute, yah 1 fuxing minute. You see the problem with studying? Theory VS Practice.
[12:55 AM]
Monday, September 17, 2007
McRae Believed To Be On Crash Helicopter
Quoted from Sky News :
Rally driver Colin McRae is believed to among four people killed in a helicopter crash near his country home.
Strathclyde Police have said the 39-year-old star was believed to be on board the aircraft, which crashed at Jerviswood, near Lanark.
There were four people on board, but no formal identifications have taken place yet.
Police have said extensive damage was done to the Squirrel helicopter, which was carrying four people when it crashed.
There will be no formal identification of any victims this evening.
The air accident investigation team are en route to establish the cause of the crash.
The Scottish Ambulance Service confirmed that its own helicopter was despatched to the scene along with three ambulance crews and units from Strathclyde Fire Brigade.
Sky Correspondent James Matthews said: "My understanding is that the helicopter involved is registered to Colin McRae, the former world rally champion former world rally champion.
"He lives on an estate where this crash took place, the Jervis Wood estate just outside Lanark in the central belt of Scotland.
"All police will say it that they are in touch with the family to try to establish the identity of those on board the helicopter."
Oh no my hero ! I hope its not him, dammit. He is the reason why i love WRC.
[5:05 PM]
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Ramadhan Month
Ramadan is an Islamic religious observance that takes place during the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, when the Qur'an was revealed. The name "Ramadan" is taken from the name of this month; the word itself derived from an Arabic word for intense heat, scorched ground, and shortness of rations. It is considered the most venerated and blessed month of the Islamic year. Prayers, sawm (fasting), charity, and self-accountability are especially stressed at this time; religious observances associated with Ramadan are kept throughout the month.
During Ramadan, Muslims are also expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam as well as refraining from anger, envy, greed, lust, sarcastic retorts, backbiting, and gossip. Obscene and irreligious sights and sounds are to be avoided; sexual intercourse during fasting hours is also forbidden. Purity of both thought and action is important. The fast is intended to be an exacting act of deep personal worship in which Muslims seek a raised level of closeness to God. The act of fasting is said to redirect the heart away from worldly activities, its purpose being to cleanse the inner soul and free it from harm. Properly observing the fast is supposed to induce a comfortable feeling of peace and calm. It also allows Muslims to practice self-discipline, sacrifice, as well as sympathy for those who are less fortunate, intending to make Muslims more generous and charitable.
For more info, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan
Let me first wish all my Muslim readers and friends a Happy Ramadhan. Honestly, for non-Muslim like me the excitement or the main thing of the fasting month is during buka puasa or breaking fast. It's all about the Ramadhan market and food ! I' m not talking bout food, i 'm talking bout lotsaaaaaaa foods and drinks. My favourite Ramadhan market will always be the one at Bandar Tun Razak, KL.
Forget about KFC, forget about Mcdonalds, forget about Burger King and forget about Pizza Hut for now. Get your ass down to Ramadhan market and tell me who's your daddy. The heavyweight foods and drinks available in Ramadhan market can easily knockout any of these branded foods. List of the champions :
1. Ayam percik. ( My all time favourite )
2. Sardine or potato currypuff.
3. Char Koay Teow.
4. Murtabak ayam. ( chicken murtabak, how do you call murtabak in English? it's like a pie )
5. Popiah basah or kering ( dry or wet ).
6. Ikan pari bakar. ( fish )
7. Laksa.
8. Nasi tomato with ayam masak merah ( tomato rice with chicken ).
9. Kebab.
10. Nasi dagang.
11. Nasi ayam bakar.
12. Mee Jawa.
13. Yong Tau Fu.
14. Donut.
15. Keropok lekor.
16. Nasi kerabu.
Feeling hungry? Yes you should, so get our ass down to any Ramadhan market near you.
[6:06 AM]
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Special Song
This is an old song but this little girl revived it brilliantly.
The Lyric
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Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
p:/s pssst pssttt i found the lyric, "over" the rainbow not "under".
[10:22 AM]
Super Bowling
I was Dotaing the other day at my usual hangout CC and one of my friend happened to be left out of the game ( can only fit in 10 people in one game ). So he got the itch of playing other games while waiting for us and damm it was noobish ! Check out the video below.
He shouldve whipped out his dick and started shooting his man glue all over his own sobbing face, shouting STRIKE !! STRIKE !!! STRIKE !!!
[5:05 AM]
Friday, September 14, 2007
I had a harrowing near-experience with death this evening. I was driving back from my office from PJ to my house in Klang today on NKVE Highway ( driving insanely fast of course ) when I came up on the fast lane stretch that seemed pretty empty for the most part. You know the standard highway in Malaysia are divided into three lanes - the slow lane ( most left lane or the Ahpek Lane ), the middle lane ( I call it the "pretty slow" lane ) and finally the fast lane for people like me. I was doing 200 kmph on the fast lane and encountered a motherfuxing smaller car driving nearly parallel at the speed of 80-90 kmph. I tail-gated him, very close. And all of a sudden, the vehicle in front had an emergency brake. Look, i was going 200 kmph and I had almost no time to react, but had enough time to look at that motherfuxing sexy bonet of his car and realize I was about to bang him. Imagine the impact, 200kmph baby. My car and his car had a gap just small enough between the back of his car and the front of my car for me to quickly squeeze through the middle lane rather than colliding with each other. I honestly didn't think I would make it through the gap, but did it as a last ditch attempt. I made it through and i looked back and amazingly, i saw a piece of thrown-away tyre stalled in the middle of the fast lane. No wonder he braked like that as if he was getting a blow job from Angelina Jolie.
After the initial gasps of my own face on the mirror and I quieted down, i remained in pretty much stunned silence for around 10 minutes. My hands were shaking, and my heart felt like it had moved up in my chest. It's incidents like this that over-ride my skeptical side and make me seek some higher power to explain why I am still alive right now.
So my advice for everyone,
1) Even a relatively crowdless freeway always requires utmost attention; always look out for the rolling tyres or flying tyres. The tyres are damn heavy and at the high speeds, they are deadly. So, don't fux around.
2) Maximum alertness required when driving. A thrown-away tyre even at one of the fast lanes on a seemingly bare highways is highly probable. Even someone who likes to sleep can be Malaysia Prime Minister.
3) One gets only a handful of seconds to react for such 'weird' happenings.. pressing the break after sighting such a rolling tyre, without being aware of the vehicle behind is a sure disaster. Always an eye on the rear-view mirror.
I know the picture sux, i did my best ok !
[3:11 AM]
Thursday, September 13, 2007
The Golden Opportunity
To many, the idea of living and working overseas evokes images of glamour and excitement. But the dream can quickly turn into a nightmare if not approached in a realistic way. The land of opportunity for today’s professional extends well beyond their own country’s borders. The expanding global economy has created work opportunities that take many employees and others offshore for months or years at a time.
Most people enjoy valuable personal and career-building international assignment experiences, when they manage the assignment well and carry it out successfully. But while expertise and personal confidence are critical ingredients for success, working in a foreign country usually takes more than ability and confidence. International assignments often bring a varied set of both professional and personal challenges.
Any new assignment, international based, brings with it a buzz of excitement — new opportunity, fresh challenge and potential career growth and reward. Some professionals accept assignments on the basis of personal and career challenge, regardless of where they have to go. Others will travel abroad for extended periods when the location is a desirable one, regardless of the long-term career growth potential. Most accept overseas work offers based on a combination of all these factors. The exposure to other cultures, ideas and viewpoints, especially those that are culturally derived, are both fascinating and valuable.
But while the decision to work overseas is a personal one, often the decision to stay or to go isn’t simply a matter of personal preference. International assignments are not just for young career professionals. Those like me in later career stages can also benefit, but must consider some different factors.
1) Taking the family along — The idea of being separated from family for extended periods is difficult for me to swallow. The factors associated with this logistic are complex, to be sure. And not only family, i cant fuxing leave all my good friends here.
2) Financial considerations — Overseas employees must contend with a set of unique and sometimes overwhelming financial issues, including salary progression and cost-of-living.
3) Job security — Today’s corporate climates are in a state of flux, and mergers and acquisitions are common place. Corporate cultures are changing more frequently.
4) Personal characteristics — With all professional, economic and family issues considered, i have to think about the factor of my own personal character into the decision equation. Anyone considering an overseas assignment must honestly appraise their own personality traits to determine whether they have the right characteristics for work abroad.
I got an offer to work oversea actually. Got a call from a long lost friend this evening. And now, i'm torn between a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work oversea and other reasons for not leaving left me with a really "once-in-a-lifetime" headache. Duh !
[2:22 AM]
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Need A Break
I have been busy lately, work is eating a lot of my time. And when i am back home from the office, the only thing i can do is basically eat, bath, shit, go out, gaming, yam cha and sleep. I think i am already getting to the point where i really do need a vacation! Which i am planning to have in October or November. I am not one of those who stresses up easily but i am dieing for a time out. So where am i off to ? Well, i haven't decided yet, but Australia is right up there on the list, not far behind is Thailand or Vietnam. ADULTS ONLY!!!
It's gonna be a solo vacation. Seriously, i really don't know where to go. Few alternatives would be :
1) Australia - Visit Jo. Check out the kangaroos, shoot a few of em and bring them back. Ok just kidding. Main point is to visit Jo, she has been there for many years and i'm pretty sure she'll be a good tour guide and beside it has been quite some time since the last we met.
2) Thailand / Vietnam - Into the deep part of the country. This idea was suggested by Ahkeong some time ago. Cruise into the hidden part of the country and experience a completely different world. He told me bout a famous strip bar there. *tempting*
3) A beach. I want to just do whatever comes to mind. I am going to lay in the sun and just think about me and my pleasure. A cold drink near me and warm sand on my back. A nice long meal eaten to taste and bring pleasure to the taste buds. I wanna feel peace - quiet. And i don't mind "pleasant" view.
Seriously, i doubt i'll have my holiday.
p/s : oi Jo, if i really make it to Aussie, air ticket on you ah ! Sushi on me ;)
[3:34 AM]
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Ugly Coyote
How many folks do you know who have been described as being full of shit? I myself have been described as full of shit, however mostly by women who had some feeling of intimidation about me or my being, or by long time friends who questioned my desire for education – albeit in love.
One should never be proud of being viewed as such by any being. In fact they should be looked at and valued and appreciated. Too many times the simple interaction between individuals goes forsaken and taken for granted. One could easily say “maybe you are right” or “you might be the one Ahbeng to get his PhD I know main”, or something like that. But what do we do, we get defensive and tell folks they full of shit. Unless it is in humor.
I figure we mostly say it when we feel uneasy, and it is quicker to berate and degrade rather than to value or appreciate. We do it because we are unsure of our selves or maybe even plain ole hateful and evil, or worse, jealous. But it should never be used to vilify ones thoughts and associated cognitive processes thereof. Another use could be to use such to explain work policies that say you cant make money outside of them own your own even in view of fourt amendment rights (one has 100% ownership of their labor).
Although I know some people full of shit, I don’t say it out loud often, and actually pride myself on being above such. But then again that’s subjective and I am human.
Anyway, i am currently working on a new project. A joint-venture with an old friend, Mr. Donz Da Man on Project Since7. Stay tune folks.
[2:33 AM]
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday Again
Tiu lor, Sunday again. I'm going to be frantic all day long again. Is it the rain or i just feel sluggish? Don't feel like moving or doing anything.
Friday night found me staying after work a bit for some discussion about a new problem that we have to deal with. I’m not complaining because, for one thing, it was a bit of overtime, and, for another, having more work to do at this point can’t help but be a good thing. Still, this did mean getting home later than usual, which conspired with the general perversity of the universe to ensure that I got much less sleep than is necessary to ensure that I stay awake.
Had a good chat wit Vic last nite. We chatted about almost every damm thing. We had a tea session at SS2 from 10.30pm to 4am. It was a good chat accompanied with 6 drinks each and one whole big pack of ciggie. Halfway during the session, my sis in Taiwan called me and asked about my "problem". She's young but she's good with words and advises. It was nice to know that there are people who cares about me. As i was driving home, i had a deep thought about my recent problem and i finally made a brave decision. To forgive and to love.
Ok crap, it's Sunday anyway. There are a lot of things that I could have done to pass the time, but, as should surprise no one, I didn’t do any of those things. Gaming, gaming, gaming, gaming, that was pretty much my Sunday. Fux, it's Monday tomorrow.
[2:49 AM]
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Im Still Awake
It's almost 5am and i'm still awake. I turned off the computer and lay in bed and i just couldn't sleep. I felt exhausted but apparently that makes little difference.
I plan on staying awake until I can go to bed. With this little sleep I am counting on being able to sleep tonight. I've totally fuxed up my schedule. I have spent the whole nite gaming hoping that i could relax myself and forget about the pain and been trying to do some work but to no avail. i stared at one of the readings on the internet for an hour (not moving beyond the 2nd page) before giving up and realized i wasn't really reading it, it wast just pure plain blank thought in my mind. So now, i have accomplished essentially nothing. And i’m refusing to sleeep because i miss her and wanna chat with her. Why i do this to myself is beyond me. sigh.
I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I'm home.I must really be sleepwalking or sleepblogging, whatever, now.
[4:24 AM]
Friday, September 07, 2007
Getting Worse
I'm just at a loss right now for emotions, words, and direction. I know I'll get through this which i unlike the past. It makes it easier knowing that its temporary, but it doesn't exactly make the pain go away. I just hate the feeling that I still don’t feel as though I fully control my life or am comfortable in it. I still feel as though I am running towards something or away from something else but don’t really know what it is. It just sux when you are cheated by your love one or someone that you actually put your hope on.
Having been cheated on, I wonder if I will always be damaged. And whether each relationship that doesn’t work out will send me back to thoughts of my ex. Do I need to date someone and break up with them to realize I can be happy alone. I don’t mean I am going out there to hurt someone and I would never date anyone I wasn’t interested in, but I just still feel somewhat incomplete. It doesn’t make me want to go back to the ex, but pisses me off again about why she gave up on us and how she could hurt me the way she did.
I just wonder if every failed relationship from now on will continue to send me back. If I will have this constant quest for a relationship until I find it. I just want to be fully happy being single. To be honest, I am tired of women taking advantage.
Some say I just need some more time. I know I have improved a ton, but still there is a piece that is still damaged and I am starting to wonder if that part will ever truly heal. I know I am at a stage at this moment which sux as I am coming off this annoying (super short) rebound…but I am getting tired of the lack of respect I receive from some of these women. If anyone is out there that was cheated on who truly feels 100 percent again, as if it never happened. Is this possible? If its not, I wonder I if I will remain forever damaged.
HOWEVER, this does not make me 100%. There is a part of me that will be "damaged" forever - if that's what you want to call it. Not that I will never fully trust another again, that's not what I mean, but I will never be as innocent as I once was. There was a major section of my life where I truly believed that "it could never happen to me"...until it did. I will never have that innocence back - ever. I don't call that being damaged, I simply refer to it as just one of a series of painful learning experiences kinda like the first time I burned myself on the stove, the first time I scraped my knee, the first car accident I was in, etc.
I don't expect to ever forget about it, but i do expect to learn something and grow from it.
I suppose it depends on what level i mistrust my significant other. In my case, while I had trouble regaining trust as to her ability to not behave destructively, I had no doubt (as far as one can have no doubt about another person's feelings) that it was not malicious and also not representative of her feelings towards me.
I am willing to forgive. That is not to say that i forget about it, or let them off the hook, merely that i do not approach the person as someone who has wronged me in my dealings with her. Realistically, this will likely result in a situation where, at least initially, i present myself as trusting while secretly harboring reservation. This is completely natural. It's such a hard thing, and there never really seems like there's any sort of solution for the pain i feel.
I think people cheat for a variety of reasons, and that the reasons for the infidelity matter in terms of whether i can regain trust or not. All that said, my experience has been that once trust is gone, it is gone. But I have known plenty of couples that have come through infidelity intact and stronger. So this is absolutely not a one-size-fits-all situation. I am trying to learn to be a judge of character, and try not to lie to myself when my genitals or heartstrings get involved.
Any person, no matter how virtuous, will cheat under the right circumstances. But some are more likely than others, and from the broadest possible perspective there are very few surprises. Staying and not trusting won't reduce my chances of having to deal with infidelity, and will definitely make me miserable and ruin my relationship. So i either buckle in or get out.
Bottom line is i need to have an insanely high level of maturity, patience and pragmatism to truly forgive a cheater and regain trust. I was forever worried about what they were up to when they weren't around me no matter how much I tried not to be, and that mistrust has bled into later relationships creating trust and commitment issues. I don't quite believe in "once a cheater always a cheater" term. But for now, just leave me alone.
[5:28 PM]
Little Korean Girl
Now this is what i call "dancer".
[4:03 AM]
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Damm Tired
I am tired, I am physically, emotionally and mentally tired. For those of you reading this blog and think I want sympathy, feel free to think so. I am simply using this as a “Dear Diary” session today.
I am tired of people that drain the positive and happy moods that one creates and manages to have. They are like fuxing parasites, unable to make or be happy so they suck up the happiness of others and make it their own.
I am tired of this place, this piece of man made fuckup land in the middle of the world, the idiotic country called Malaysia. I wish I could get the words to explain my hatred, utter hatred towards this place. But I am afraid I can’t. Somebody should do the world a favor and wipe this place off the map. It will not be a loss to the universe.
I am tired of my profession, I find myself sitting here on more than occasion asking myself, why on earth did I waste my time doing this. There was a time in my life that I did know, that I still had a passion for this “calling” as some people would say. I have forgotten, sad as it is, I can not remember why I decided to get into this. I have heard people say that once you have lost compassion with your job it is time to leave, well, I lost compassion about 4 years ago.
I am tired of life, yes, just tired of life in general. Yes I know life is unfair and hard and all the other blah blah. But I am tired, I am tired of trying everything, working like hell to be happy just to have it all taken away from me in one fowl swoop. Why is it that bad things seem to keep happen just when you think things can not get any worse?
I could sleep for a thousand years. Its almost 4.00 AM here. I am tired, really. I should probably be in bed already. Instead, I’ve been sitting here and "Dear-Diary". I only got maybe 3 hours sleep last night and I’m looking at a mere 4 tonight. Assuming I stop typing this soon and go to bed and fall asleep quickly. I’m going to go to bed now and hope that I feel better come the morning.
[3:20 AM]
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
She Cares
I will miss the nights when we laughed ourselves silly over nothing at all. And made up secret codes ( Would you? ). We were such dorks!
She has been a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board to vent to, a teacher to learn from, a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. I am so proud and lucky to have met her and kept her in my life. Even though there is a mountain range between us, she is still one of the most important people in my life.
I love her and I miss her.
Every day I make sure that I tell her I love her. I intend to do this for the rest of my life.
p/s : specially dedicated to my love one, others can actually skip reading this entry ;)
cb my blog leh, it is supposed to be like a diary wat.
[1:19 AM]