"Open up and say AAaaaAhhHhh!!!~!~"

I'm just at a loss right now for emotions, words, and direction. I know I'll get through this which i unlike the past. It makes it easier knowing that its temporary, but it doesn't exactly make the pain go away. I just hate the feeling that I still don’t feel as though I fully control my life or am comfortable in it. I still feel as though I am running towards something or away from something else but don’t really know what it is. It just sux when you are cheated by your love one or someone that you actually put your hope on.

Having been cheated on, I wonder if I will always be damaged. And whether each relationship that doesn’t work out will send me back to thoughts of my ex. Do I need to date someone and break up with them to realize I can be happy alone. I don’t mean I am going out there to hurt someone and I would never date anyone I wasn’t interested in, but I just still feel somewhat incomplete. It doesn’t make me want to go back to the ex, but pisses me off again about why she gave up on us and how she could hurt me the way she did.

I just wonder if every failed relationship from now on will continue to send me back. If I will have this constant quest for a relationship until I find it. I just want to be fully happy being single. To be honest, I am tired of women taking advantage.

Some say I just need some more time. I know I have improved a ton, but still there is a piece that is still damaged and I am starting to wonder if that part will ever truly heal. I know I am at a stage at this moment which sux as I am coming off this annoying (super short) rebound…but I am getting tired of the lack of respect I receive from some of these women. If anyone is out there that was cheated on who truly feels 100 percent again, as if it never happened. Is this possible? If its not, I wonder I if I will remain forever damaged.

HOWEVER, this does not make me 100%. There is a part of me that will be "damaged" forever - if that's what you want to call it. Not that I will never fully trust another again, that's not what I mean, but I will never be as innocent as I once was. There was a major section of my life where I truly believed that "it could never happen to me"...until it did. I will never have that innocence back - ever. I don't call that being damaged, I simply refer to it as just one of a series of painful learning experiences kinda like the first time I burned myself on the stove, the first time I scraped my knee, the first car accident I was in, etc.

I don't expect to ever forget about it, but i do expect to learn something and grow from it.

I suppose it depends on what level i mistrust my significant other. In my case, while I had trouble regaining trust as to her ability to not behave destructively, I had no doubt (as far as one can have no doubt about another person's feelings) that it was not malicious and also not representative of her feelings towards me.

I am willing to forgive. That is not to say that i forget about it, or let them off the hook, merely that i do not approach the person as someone who has wronged me in my dealings with her. Realistically, this will likely result in a situation where, at least initially, i present myself as trusting while secretly harboring reservation. This is completely natural. It's such a hard thing, and there never really seems like there's any sort of solution for the pain i feel.

I think people cheat for a variety of reasons, and that the reasons for the infidelity matter in terms of whether i can regain trust or not. All that said, my experience has been that once trust is gone, it is gone. But I have known plenty of couples that have come through infidelity intact and stronger. So this is absolutely not a one-size-fits-all situation. I am trying to learn to be a judge of character, and try not to lie to myself when my genitals or heartstrings get involved.

Any person, no matter how virtuous, will cheat under the right circumstances. But some are more likely than others, and from the broadest possible perspective there are very few surprises. Staying and not trusting won't reduce my chances of having to deal with infidelity, and will definitely make me miserable and ruin my relationship. So i either buckle in or get out.

Bottom line is i need to have an insanely high level of maturity, patience and pragmatism to truly forgive a cheater and regain trust. I was forever worried about what they were up to when they weren't around me no matter how much I tried not to be, and that mistrust has bled into later relationships creating trust and commitment issues. I don't quite believe in "once a cheater always a cheater" term. But for now, just leave me alone.