"Open up and say AAaaaAhhHhh!!!~!~"

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when everything seems to be going wrong for you? You probably have. In fact you may even be going through such a time now, just like me. Everything seems to be lost and I wonder if there are any steps I can take to push through the gloom into sunshine. I feel like giving up on every damn thing. It seems like everything is just too difficult and I have no confidence in anything I do.

Many things have happened. Perhaps the one that sticks out in my mind the most at the moment is the phone call I got yesterday saying that I did not get the job I had really thought I would have gotten. I must admit, I was really disappointed. Actually, it is pretty embarrassing because I had no where or anyone to go to so I just started walking with my head really low, the hood of my jacket pulled up and me just balling. And following this shit was my brother's case. He was cheated by his business partner, not too clear bout what happened but I know he was cheated a large sum of money. So basically, it's all about the family and personal bills - paying this and that. I think I have been on the verge of pressures and failures nearly my entire life. Not because I am not having fun, but just because this whole process is quite emotional.

Oftentimes the only way to get what you really need is to give up what you already have. It doesn’t seem to make sense but I think it’s true. This is a particularly difficult concept to pull off in such a materialistic world because our society uses money and material wealth as a measure of our value as people. In fact, strange things have been happening. When you open your eyes, feel the breeze on your face, and engage with a wide variety of people that you would probably not associate with if you had your closest friends near, you find that weird coincidences start occurring. Just the other day I got out from my car, when a lady and a man at their late 30's came up and asked money from me. Of course the first thing that came to my mind was they are just another bunch of cheaters trying to make extra bucks from me. I immediately rejected the conversation and went in to the cafe to find my friends. After 30 minutes, I got out from the cafe to have lunch with my friends and surprisingly the couple was still there sitting at the roadside. I saw tears on her face and the guy seems pretty upset about something. Trust me, even Grammy nominees not gonna get away with that kinda face expression. It was just so real, for real.

While I was waiting for my meal, I bravely stood up and walked towards them. I sat and talked ( I can't speak Mandarin well but I tried my best ) with both of them for nearly an hour about their living conditions, their struggles, etc. They were from China and had definitely experienced hardships in their life on this foreign soil. One thing that stood out in my mind was when she said that she has not been eating for 2 days and hesitated to say that she was depressed or sad because she knew that there were some people that didn't have food at all. I don't really catch everything they said because I'm not well verse with Mandarin but I guess I understood most of it since I asked them to repeat their words in slow motion. She was so depressed, so lost. They were both expelled from their job. Since she was open with me about everything, I invited them to join me and my friends for lunch. Dude, 6 plates of rice disappeared in minutes ! I've never seen anyone in hunger to that extend and devouring every single damn thing on the table. It was, as you can imagine, a sad bah ku teh cannibal experience.

After the meal, I gave them all I had in my wallet, 100 bucks. Not much but that was all I got at that moment. She cried and they both thanked me and my friends. Before they left, they asked for my contact number and I humbly gave them. I was informed by them that their parents will be here anytime and they will then have the money to pay me back. Oh well, I never really expect them to pay me back. After they left, my friends looked at me in a YOU-JUST-GOT-CHEATED way and grinned evilly at me. For a moment, I actually thought I was foolish enough to "help" them but come to think about it, what if they're really in that deep shit? Anyway, it's only 100 bucks and a meal.

So I got cheated? No. I got a call from an unknown number this morning. Yah, that lady in hunger ( she slapped 3 plates of rice ) called me. I went and meet them at the same restaurant where they historically slapped 6 plates of rice in minutes. Upon arriving, I was shocked to see a larger group this time. An additional of one old man, probably in his late 70's and I later found out he was the poor lady's father. The old man immediately shook my hands and passed me 200 fuxing bucks. I was astonished. They kept thanking me and I couldn't really understand what the old man was saying because his accent was so heavy. So I asked the restaurant boss to be my translator. The restaurant boss told me the old man wanted to spend me a meal and praised me for being such a nice lad ( yah I'm pretty nice sometimes ). So there I go, got back my money, an additional 100 bucks and a free meal ! And I only ate one plate of rice, not six !

I am very aware of my goals, who I am, and where I wanna go, but it isn't like being a doctor. It is much more organic and a lot of it relies on hard works. It makes for a terribly exciting time, I will say that much. Shits just happen.