"Open up and say AAaaaAhhHhh!!!~!~"

Eat this :

The Salary Theory...
________________

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since:

Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:

The less you know, the more you make.

Courage and Bravery For Life...
_________________________

A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers.

"On a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of macho bikers who were threatening a young woman."

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, "Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me."

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

When Time Talks...
________________

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "Its not a gong. Its a talking clock", the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup", replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey, jerk! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"