"Open up and say AAaaaAhhHhh!!!~!~"

I am really getting tired of this shit. I'm tired of trying so hard to contact people, but get no response back. I called people but they don't pick up the damn phone. I called my clients, they don't pick up the damn phone too. Even on MSN I tried so hard to say hi to someone I know is there but did nothing to respond. I even send messages through e-mail and I get nothing. Sure, I understand people are busy but not so busy that every time I call or message, they just ignore me. Maybe it's another person under their screen name, but all the time? I don't believe that. And to never go idled?

I'm really beginning to flip out. I feel so shitty the whole day. And all of a sudden, a brainless friend called me and told me he wanted to commit suicide. I was like, WTF. He broke off with his girl friend and wanted to end his frustration and sadness. Come on man, losing a girl is not losing everything. I know it's painful and tough, I'd been through those shits before too. It is tough but not to the extend of committing suicide. I think about suicide too, not many times though. I am still alive ( thankfully ) for the sole purpose of not selfishly bringing depression and pain to my family and some others. It is not an admirable way to go. I hate many shits and often feel like a useless asshole but on the flip side, it empowers and reminds me of how fuxing tough I truly am to endure all the mental and physical pains I have survived. I told him him to let loose and be himself and start doing what interests him or put himself in a position to learn the craft or art or whatever fux it is missing.

In fact I let the bad come pouring into and raining on top of me in order to grow stronger and wiser. He should be content in knowing that he is wise and talented with the gift of awareness that a lot of other fallen dick head don't have. He should use this utter depression and sense of being nobody's love to realize the strength he already obviously have. Life takes effort and planning and trial and error, isn't it? I suggested to him to make some changes and get involved in new things and challenge himself. After succeeding just a little bit at one of his challenges , he will feel amaze, reborn, inspired to get more and more. Suicide will not solve problems but add more to the list. Every time when I have that kinda stupid thoughts, I'll think about my family and someone. Easy to say but hard to do. I hope to hear from him again soon, otherwise I'll have to prepare some angpow for his funeral.