"Open up and say AAaaaAhhHhh!!!~!~"

I'm not gonna write anything today even my birthday reflection plan. My little sister Yuki passed away of leukemia today. I couldnt believe that the person I had looked up to had gone, I didnt even have the chance to say good bye to her. I will always remember her smile and voice. She will always be in my heart. She will always be remembered for her loving spirit, energy and unshakable faith.

I fell apart when I got home. I can't express how bad I feel. I feel like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. Now I know what those nitemares that have been haunting me lately are trying to tell me. This would be the fourth time I am getting hints from nitemare. My God mother, grandpa, my mentor and now my little sister Yuki. When somebody gets close to me, I treated them with my heart - sincerity. I don't know if this is a good thing but every time when I fall and tried to climb back, I would just fall again - even deeper. Shits always come together in a big pile. Have I not gone through enough shits for the past few weeks?

The last conversation I had with her was more than a month ago. She went through her first chemo and wanted to commit suicide due to excessive pain and hair lost. I told her to buck up and keep herself alive no matter how tough it will be. I told her she has many things to do when she is back on track. I asked her to promise me a few things. Promise me to go out with me and my future wife, promise me to hold my kids hand while I'll be holding my future wife's hand when we are shopping, promise me to have a family photo with my future wife and kids and promise me to let me interview her boyfriend. I know all these promises can never be fulfilled anymore.