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Thursday, July 31, 2008
Disturbing Truth
We found out that Yuki did not eat any of the medicine given by the doctor. She gathered all the medicines and placed it in one big bottle. She knew she was going and she gave up her life. Her biujie ( cousin sister ) also found her diary. She left a last note, particularly for three peoples that she loved the most - me, her dad and her biu jie ( cousin sister ).
Her last words to me, I'll just summarize it :
1) Not to get angry with her decision and live life to the fullest.
2) She loves me more than anyone.
3) She broke her promises but wished she would be my kid in her next life and hold her hands as she knows I will be a good father and a good husband.
4) She wished I will not be cheated again and will marry my love one.
I couldn't stop my tears running down while I was talking with her biujie. I broke down when I heard all these stuff and cried in the office. Thankfully my superior understands my situation and let me have a day off. She doesn't simply spend her money, she donated most of her money to the old folks home and orphanage organization. There was once she came back to Malaysia for vacation and she spent all the money given by her Dad to the old folks home. RM50 in every angpow she gave to the old folks, imagine there were like 40 old folks there. There is nothing much I can do for now but as her brother, I would like to ask everyone that knows her to pay a last respect at http://yukilee-qi.last-memories.com/
[4:54 PM]
A Moment Of Silent
I'm not gonna write anything today even my birthday reflection plan. My little sister Yuki passed away of leukemia today. I couldnt believe that the person I had looked up to had gone, I didnt even have the chance to say good bye to her. I will always remember her smile and voice. She will always be in my heart. She will always be remembered for her loving spirit, energy and unshakable faith.
I fell apart when I got home. I can't express how bad I feel. I feel like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. Now I know what those nitemares that have been haunting me lately are trying to tell me. This would be the fourth time I am getting hints from nitemare. My God mother, grandpa, my mentor and now my little sister Yuki. When somebody gets close to me, I treated them with my heart - sincerity. I don't know if this is a good thing but every time when I fall and tried to climb back, I would just fall again - even deeper. Shits always come together in a big pile. Have I not gone through enough shits for the past few weeks?
The last conversation I had with her was more than a month ago. She went through her first chemo and wanted to commit suicide due to excessive pain and hair lost. I told her to buck up and keep herself alive no matter how tough it will be. I told her she has many things to do when she is back on track. I asked her to promise me a few things. Promise me to go out with me and my future wife, promise me to hold my kids hand while I'll be holding my future wife's hand when we are shopping, promise me to have a family photo with my future wife and kids and promise me to let me interview her boyfriend. I know all these promises can never be fulfilled anymore.
[2:19 AM]
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 15 )
Day15 - Age of 15.
I spent 2 years ( Form 1 & Form 2 ) in the afternoon session and this year around in Form 3, it's gonna be in the morning - meaning I have to get my ass up early in the morning. I remember clearly I was very actively involved in chess when I was in high school.
Assholes in my class
Cameron Highland trip with other schools ( we are so fuxing naive when we were young)
Thing(s) I did on Day 15.
Reflecting Day15 - Age of 15 by "having a good chat with dad". I haven't really spoke to my dad for a long time, and I mean really sit down and have a good chat. I took the opportunity tonite and talk with my dad. It’s been awhile since we have had one of those conversations. And we digress into the stupid like the one long standing debate over my birth. It is one of those family things you always revisit just because it makes you smile. He sounded really good too. I forget sometimes how much our lives spill into each other.
Remember during our grandfather’s time, a good husband is someone who was responsible towards the family and this focused on financial support for the wife and kids. A husband was not expected to clean, cook, babysit or listen to the woman’s complaints. Even for my dad, this is also largely true. He did not need to lift a finger to help my mom and yet, for his generation he is still considered a good husband because he provided for the family. My dad has 4 brothers and 2 sisters, he is the eldest. He stopped schooling at a very young age and he has to work to support the family. My dad was a tall and well-built chap, unlike me skinny but slightly handsome than him lol. We had a good chat really, from how dad gets to know mum ( they actually got to know each other from friends ), how dad used to wake up in the middle of the nite due to people walking up and down on the stairs ( he was sleeping under the stairs in those 2 storeys shop house ) and he was in the school basketball team. Dad told me he used to have a lot of admirers, you know when you are in a school basketball team, you are the in-thing. Oh well, this is where the calculation between me and dad started. My immediate respond was "Pa, your son did a better job than you" and he looked at me pointing his finger at mum who's busy eating and watching her Hong Kong drama.
As dad was preaching his summon I looked at him and I noticed his hairs have all turned white, he is not as fit as last time - getting skinnier and wrinkles all over his face. The last time I had a good look at him he was still very much younger and stronger, I guess I hadn't really talk with him for a long time. Dad is really old. Regardless of my age, he will always be my dad and I will always be his little son. Whether Dad is a prime minister or a rock star, he is always there for us. Dad taught us the true meaning of respect and how to earn it and he always lectured me not to cry, a true hero doesn't drop a tear. Walan, sounds damm heroic rite but I have never seen my Dad cried before - even the lost of my grandparents.
It is frightening to envision life without Dad but I know he will go one day. I can recall being walloped by Dad and when I grew older, I know that it was an act of love. I cherish the time spent with Dad while he taught us the necessary principles of life. He was proud of us, and he and Mum knew they had created something very special when they made the three of us. I am so grateful that you came into our lives. You were a wonderful father and a wonderful husband to my mom. Thank you for being my dad.
[1:20 PM]
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 14 )
Yesterday before I went to sleep, I wished I wouldn't drool off with nitemare again. Fux it came back again last nite, and this time it's even worse. I could strongly feel some shit is gonna happen soon, to me or someone who is fuxing close to me. I got up and could feel my whole body numbed and I could even feel the presence of "something", know what I mean. Something or someone was there, I could feel it. I got back to sleep and the nitemare came back again. Just when I got up again, that "something" or "someone" was there again. It repeated twice. Something is gonna happen but I don't know what it is.
Anyway, decision time again. I've been offered a job in Miami. Yah Miami bitches and beaches! I was so fuxing excited and this job came at the right time. At the time when I needed a change so desperately, I was landed with this offer - perfect! The problem is leaving my family and friends. I've felt something was missing that I needed to do for a long time and even though I've more than most in my life, I feel real antsy and seem to keep constantly looking for something. By going I'm not sure I would lose more than I would gain or if it would make me stronger and be something good. I gotta fly over soon for an interview and if everything goes well, I should be rolling over in about 2 1/2 months from now. Go or no go? The money would put me in an awesome financial position but again, I'm gambling with my life.
Day14 - Age of 14.
High school is all about gangsterism. Those kids feel that if they are called to belong to a group or gang, they will get the recognition they don't find anywhere else. Like anybody else, these children also want to prove that they are good at something. They fight about minor things - maybe there is shoving or staring. And those bloody battle normally involved flying chairs & tables, bricks, bottles, screwdrivers, sticks and anything that they can grab. I don't deem them gangsters. They're more like pricks who are small and are eager to prove their worth. But then again, we all live in fear everyday. Fearing somebody unknown approaches us for money. Fearing that we will get our ass kicked for some unknown reason. So face it, whenever there is light, there is also darkness. And by the way, I go to Sunday school ;)
Thing(s) I did on Day 14.
Reflecting Day14 - Age of 14 by "doing good deeds". I drove up to Cheras to fetch a Singapore friend down to my place. Got him a place to stay and gave him some cash to survive ( not for long though ). He came down empty handed, with not much money in his pocket and he has been sleeping in the cybercafe for almost a week. Now I look like a fuxing saviour. Regardless of all these shits, I feel better after helping him - AT LEAST I did something to help his ass out.
[1:06 AM]
Monday, July 28, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 13 )
Day13 - Age of 13.
The night before the first day of high school, I couldn't sleep. I was too busy worrying. It's gonna be the first day putting on a dark green color school pant ( dark green for secondary school and dark blue for primary school ). I worried about how I would find my classes, where the fux I'm gonna eat, where the fux I'm gonna piss and blah blah blah. I suppose I was very naive when I started high school, neat nerd hairstyle like "Dou San" ( Chow Yuen Fatt in the movie God Of Gambler ). I got in to my class and fortunately, many of them are from the same primary school and I have no problem adapting and talking with them. At the end of the day, I was just happy that it was over.
Thing(s) I did on Day 13.
Reflecting Day13 - Age of 13 by "reading back 'semarak' my school magazine". I was laughing like an ape when I saw how small and naive we all used to be.
I wanted to write more but my body doesn't allow me. I have so many things to write, so many people to thank for being so supportive during this torturing period and last but not least, my trip to Miami soon. I hope the nitemare wont hunt me tonite.
[1:00 AM]
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 12 )
Notes: Double post. I updated with 2 entries, scroll down for Day 11 post.
I was driving to work today when suddenly I passed an asshole cop that gave me the finger AKA the bird! I look at this cop while I'm driving by, and he lifts his hand to his window and gives me the one finger salute. Nia ma cb wtf. He is doing this probably he couldn't take the pressure of me testing his alpha male manhood by tail gating him. But too bad for him, he couldn't chase up with my car. If anyone flipped off a cop, chances are that they'd get pulled over and harassed, but if the tables are turned it seems like everything is just fine. I'm going to make a huge sign that says "Pu Nia Boh" and flash it to every cop I see from now on. These bastards have too much power. On top of that, they get honored left and right for enforcing bullshit laws that take away our rights, and they keep getting more laws passed to take away even more rights. If there isn't anything for them to do, they shouldn't resort to digging up things to get someone in trouble for. They should go around neighborhoods sniping people's dogs. Stupid dogs always barking and shitting all over the place. They drool, harbor bugs and disease. Filthy, disgusting, stupid.
Day12 - Age of 12.
Final year in primary school and I can remember clearly during this last year everyone was so eager to go in high school EXCEPT for some emo girls and guys who actually cried on the last day of school. Wtf dude, we are gonna go wear the green long pant ( we wore dark blue short pant in primary school ) for fux sake! We should be happy that we are going to high school and kick some ass. Remember those autograph book? You know what I'm talking about if you are the 90's kid when we don't have friendster, Facebook or email. Everyone will have an autograph book and we will go around asking everyone to write some shits on it. Shits profile like your name, address, contact number, length of your dick, your boob size, etc.
Thing(s) I did on Day 12.
Reflecting Day12 - Age of 12 by "attending my company annual dinner". Two words to describe it - FUXING DRUNK!
[2:13 PM]
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 11 )
Day11 - Age of 11.
Life without commitment, without worries, without headache. Remember the time when all we need to do is just wake up in the morning, go to school, kick some ass in school, do homework, see TV, play, shit and sleep.
Thing(s) I did on Day 11.
Reflecting Day11 - Age of 11 by "doing good deeds". Being a driver for a friend the whole nite.
[2:37 PM]
Friday, July 25, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 10 )
Day10 - Age of 10.
Was drunk like shit to update last nite, anyway here's the shit. I would say this is the year where everything started. Imagine from the age of 10 - 18 8 fuxing years of chess. Throughout these whole fuxing 8 years, I'd been representing my school, states and country for this game we all call Chess. Game for nerds but I'm not one.
Thing(s) I did on Day 10.
Reflecting Day10 - Age of 10 by "Drinking like shit".
[4:59 PM]
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 9 )
The nitemares have started again. I lie awake for hours, petrified of going to sleep. When I finally do sleep, it's more like I drift off into this funny semi-conscious, semi-paralyzed state. And then it begins.
So anyhow, I began to have the same nitemare again last nite. I was speeding and all of a sudden this big motherfuxing lorry banged me on the side, my car banged the divider, flipped off and I landed at the other side of the road. I was already dead when my car touches the ground. I couldn't wake up. Couldn't breathe once again. I can't explain it. I can't explain any of this except that I don't want to fall asleep tonite. I dread every hour that passes. I'm exhausted, but I can't take a nap right now.
I’ve been thinking that I’m going to die soon. I haven’t really told anyone about my nitemares. They’d probably just think I was being paranoid or something. I am a little more paranoid than most, granted, but seeing the same fuxing nitemare like 10 times? I don’t know, this is my very first time. Maybe I’m subconsciously looking for a way out, a way that I don’t have to take my own life, a way that maybe, somehow, fate would take care of business for me. You believe in fate?
For the longest time, I’ve thought that I’ve had some kind of recessed prophetic ability. Not like Uncle Moses or anything but just that I have the ability to somehow see or feel what’s going to happen. Not specific details or anything, but "how", "who", general events, places and such. Maybe thinking this way is prolonging my life, as I’m always looking out so I’m able to always prevent what might be.
I am fuxing tired now and I hope I wont fall asleep. I don't wanna "die" yet.
Day9 - Age of 9.
I remember I was a book worm at this age. I am just too tired to reflect my past at the moment, let the pictures do the talking.
Thing(s) I did on Day 9.
Reflecting Day9 - Age of 9 by "Joining Pool tournament". I got into semis and lost, thanks to myself for being too over confident and made one critical mistake. Hate to lose and disappointed but that's how the ball goes.
[12:49 AM]
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 8 )
Quoted from the Bible :
Matthew 20
Workers in the Vineyard
20:1 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. And after agreeing with the workers for the standard wage, he sent them into his vineyard. When it was about nine o’clock in the morning, he went out again and saw others standing around in the marketplace without work. He said to them, ‘You go into the vineyard too, and I will give you whatever is right.’ So they went. When he went out again about noon and three o’clock that afternoon, he did the same thing. And about five o’clock that afternoon he went out and found others standing around, and said to them, ‘Why are you standing here all day without work?’ They said to him, ‘Because no one hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You go and work in the vineyard too.’ When it was evening the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the workers and give the pay starting with the last hired until the first.’ When those hired about five o’clock came, each received a full day’s pay. And when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more. But each one also received the standard wage. When they received it, they began to complain against the landowner, saying, ‘These last fellows worked one hour, and you have made them equal to us who bore the hardship and burning heat of the day.’ And the landowner replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am not treating you unfairly. Didn’t you agree with me to work for the standard wage? Take what is yours and go. I want to give to this last man the same as I gave to you. Am I not permitted to do what I want with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first last.”
As for me, the story means no matter when you accept Christ - you will still be accepted and treated fairly. I know I will be the last worker, the one that worked for one hour.
Day8 - Age of 8.
Still an asshole at the age of 8.
Thing(s) I did on Day 8.
Reflecting Day8 - Age of 8 by "watching The Dark Knight". My only comment for this movie is Fuxxxxxxxxtasticccccc!!!!!! Especially Joker.
[1:06 PM]
Monday, July 21, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 7 )
Day7 - Age of 7.
This is the most critical year. This is the year I wish I could return back and patch back the biggest mistake I made in my entire life. The most critical and biggest mistake I made in my whole entire life is KNOWING THIS GUY ( MY BEST FRIEND ):
Thing(s) I did on Day 7.
Reflecting Day7 - Age of 7 by "going for fish spa". This is my first time trying out fish spa and dude, IT'S FUXING CUTE! Imagine your legs are surrounded by zillion ( I didn't really count ) of fishes and those assholes biting your legs like you owed them million of dollars. It cost Rm38 for 30 fuxing minutes and it was definitely worth checking out. I am definitely going back again for round 2!
Before entering the fish spa, I gotta take off my shoes and socks before proceeding to the cleaning area to wash my ass, my legs I mean. Before jumping in to any of the spots, I decided to do some scouting first. I noticed that some areas of the fish tank were filled with small fishes that were about two cm in length while there were other areas with fishes that were bigger, about three cm long and the biggest around 5 cm and they are fat as well. I can tell from the face of those fishes that they are not joking and they are seriously hungry for your feet! Being a chicken shit, I decided to start off with the tank of the smallest fishes. I sat on a cushion and dangled my legs into the tank, a large school of motherfuxing fishes swarmed my legs and within a second, I was surrounded by all these hamsap fishes molesting my feet. I felt a slight panic - more like geli, come on leh it's so fuxing itchy la. I immediately lifted both my legs out of the water. I braved myself and went back to the fishes again. I soaked it in and inside my heart I shouted "Eat this motherfuxer!". Within seconds the orgy began. It was incredibly ticklish and squeamish at the same time but it wasn't painful.
As a newbie, I lifted my legs out of the water repeatedly beh tahan leh and I can see other peoples are doing the same amidst squeals of laughter and controlled giggles. It was really funny. After about 10 minutes hanging out with the small fishes I decided to go for the medium sized one. Their bites are more intense and dude, those fishes ain't no joke - they are really nasty. They slapped every damn thing they could find on my legs. It was still acceptable, not too bad. I started to get the hang of these hamsap fishes and decided to go for the big boys. Ten fuxing seconds with the BIG one and that's about it, I decided to cruise back to the medium fishes.
[2:54 PM]
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 6 )
Day6 - Age of 6.
I don't really quite remember what happen when I was six.
Thing(s) I did on Day 6.
Reflecting Day6 - Age of 6 by "sleeping" since I can't remember any shits when I was six.
I am so fuxing tired, all I want for now is just SLEEEEEEEEP!!!
[1:37 AM]
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 5 )
Day5 - Age of 5.
I started kindergarten when I was 5 years old. One of my earliest childhood memories that I could remember. Kindergarten was an interesting time for me. It was the time when I had to begin interfacing more with society and learning how to learn and work with others. It was strange, as up until then I had no real responsibilities and nothing was expected of me.
I remember my grandfather used to fetch me to kindergarten on his bicycle. He would be cycling and I would be at the back holding him and paying attention to all the chicks I could find. And sometimes mum, my auntie and another cousin who's attending the same kindergarten as me would travel by bus. I remember my first day of kindergarten was extremely intimidating, to say the least. I decided that I didn’t want to go to kindergarten. Most kids would've cry or piss on their pants but not me. I was kicking and screaming. I tried to run back home, but my mother caught me. Eventually, she just picked me up and dragged me to the kindergarten. We must have been quite a sight - a mother carrying a wildly thrashing kid screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. Later on, I was sitting in the classroom with the other kids and the teacher. I sniffled, but didn’t cry. After a few minutes I looked around, and started talking and playing with the other kids.
I pity my poor mother for that day. She went home, having left me to the tender mercies of the teacher, filled with guilt and trepidation. She must have felt terrible. When the time finally came to pick me up, she must have been a nervous wreck. Imagine her surprise to see me playing gleefully with the other children, the center of attention. The teacher had introduced us to play this game where every one has to pretend as a rabbit. Only one would be selected as tiger, and the tiger has to run around and catch those rabbits. The one who got caught by the tiger will then switch role and be the tiger. I was making a big mess out of it. I questioned my teacher of being a rabbit "Why must be rabbit? I don't want to be a rabbit, I wanna be a lion and fight with that tiger!". I insisted on being a lion and when the tiger came near me, I Bruce-Lee-Sided-Kick that asshole tiger. What a rebel. Kindergarten was a time of innocence, playful-ness, and cloudy memories of screaming children barely out of their diapers with a teacher almost as bad.
Thing(s) I did on Day 5.
Reflecting Day5 - Age of 5 by "clubbing ( that's 'playing' isnt' it? ) and getting shitty drunk ". Three drinkers with 2 bottles of Chivas. We had it all on-the-rock and I drank most of it, like 1 whole bottle. The other 2 friends didn't drink much, I only wanted to drink and get myself drunk. At least getting drunk I can temporarily forget all the sadness and misery I am going through at the moment.
So I was sitting there enjoying and yam-seng-ing with my friends when all of a sudden comes this walrus of a woman wearing a midriff t-shirt, exposing her flabby disgusting lard-filled gut as she lumbered along. I stood up so I could get a clear shot of her because I was about to barf up my drinks, when I suddenly realized that I was surrounded by nasty fat chicks with giant saggy guts. Every time I see another one of these fat-ass women parading around in some skimpy outfit, it makes me impotent for weeks. I don't get it. Is it part of that whole "acceptance" thing? That stupid mentality that we're all beautiful and that having a gut is cute? Trust me, your gut (and it is a gut, not a "tummy") is not as sexy as you think. It's nauseating. If you don't have the body for it, then why wear a tiny midriff t-shirt that accentuates your bulbous lard sack?
I know it's the trendy thing to go around dressed like Britney Spears because you're all mindless media drones with no opinions or personalities. Quit buying this shit. You're not Britney Spears. You're not hot. You're not popular. Nobody cares about your stupid new shirt and it doesn't matter how much you spend on your clothes because you're always going to be the same old boring you, who listens to the same music everyone else listens to because you're insecure and don't have opinions.
Just because looking like trash will help you get laid doesn't mean that you're any less of a vile pig. Cover up. Get some decency. Being able to get laid doesn't mean that you're attractive, and it doesn't mean you should go around showcasing your fat-ass to people either. There's always someone as horny as you are ugly. Take the hint: they don't make tube tops in extra-large because fat people shouldn't wear them.
Later on I found out, those chicks know one of my friend - ex colleague. Boy, they really spoiled the nite BUT looking on the bright side, one of them is cute. She has got this look like Hannah Tan. Trust me, all eyes are on her - even mine. She was wearing a black dress and she was pretty tall for a local girl. She had a couple of drinks with us and introduced herself. She was sitting beside me! After a few shots she left with all the monsters, back to their cage. We continue drinking like there is no tomorrow and it surprised us when that hot chick came back to us and had a few more rounds. Thank God the monsters are not with her this time. We went for supper after that and here am I, stoned and drunk writing this entry.
[4:17 AM]
Friday, July 18, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 4 )
Well, after those unfavorable moments that come and still with me even at this point of time I decided not to rant anymore. But I just can’t keep myself not spilling out those annoyance inside. But come to think about it again, I am just a useless noisy bastard who is actually lamented myself. Being not able to do what I want to do always. Being not able to get what I want to get always. Compare to others surrounds me, I appear like nothing to be proud of, really. Sometimes, my inner self asked for just a slight confidence, promised to stop complaining about problems, work harder and be a better person. Today I said that, tomorrow I forgot and I start everything again, I reminded myself again, I forgot. What’s happening really.
All those oath promises I set for myself, just came and gone. Why is it so hard to do and maintain those promises? Why is it always so easy to make mistake yet hard to not make any mistake? Why is it always easier to do useless things than useful things? Why is it so hard to make myself do the right things?
Anyway, I have always wanted a tattoo. I have decided that I want to get one on my left arm. I want a small one that starts close to the left arm. Initially, I wanted to carve 3 tattoos - a "X" on my left arm, "Y" on the chest and "Z" on the right arm. Sounds silly rite? The only thing left to decide now is the design. This one has got to be original and meaningful to me. I was thinking to carve someone's name.
And next week, I have plenty of activities lining up. Gonna meet up with a good friend from Penang on Monday, I got a pool tournament on Wednesday, on Saturday I gotta attend my company annual dinner and on Sunday I have a primary school ex-classmates gathering.
Day4 - Age of 4.
Mum said, as a 4 year old child, I always get on their nerves. I would always want something or someone to play with and normally I would be playing with my other 2 cousins. The 3 of us were born in the same year and I am the eldest, so most of the time I lead the party. The 3 of us always needed to create a place to go where we could have fun. And under my leadership we always have fun! My imagination, as a child was very strong. Creating a hideaway for us was an easy task, one many years of joy and childhood memories that I still cherish today.
I had a huge collection of toys. You name it, from Voltron, He-Man, guns, Transformer, those mini soldiers miniature, and my all time favorite LEGO. I remember every time when I go shopping with my parents, I'll fuxing come back home with a set of LEGO and my parents will always nag me for buying such an expensive toys. And the next day, I would show off my new set of LEGO to other kids - "lalalalala look at my new LEGO, lalalalalalalalala".
Thing(s) I did on Day 4.
Reflecting Day4 - Age of 4 by "playing in the office". As the matter of fact, I am still in the office now ( 11pm now as I'm writing this particular line ). Yah that's how I "play". It's fuxing Friday nite and I have no where to go and nothing to do. So, being such a sore loser staying back alone in the office complaining about life is the perfect choice.
[9:55 PM]
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Memory Lane - Reflection Of My Life ( Day 3 )
Felt So Disgusted
Cheating is the most dreaded event in a relationship or even friendship, since this defeats the purpose of having a commitment. But why do people cheat on their partners, friends or even the entire world? What drives them to go the distance and hurt someone whom they promised the stars and the sky? This is an extreme case but if you really look around, you will see cheating has become a widespread thing. Not just among guys but also women. I personally don’t understand how people can cheat on those that they love. It’s not even something that even crosses my mind. But then again I have not been married yet and haven’t put in the time. But still, I am 100% sure I would never consider it because I like stability and once I’m stuck on something, that’s it. I’m not really one for change or added excitement. And I’ve surely never been one for the hunt. More importantly, I think it’s all about principle and faith. What’s wrong is wrong and that’s the end of that. That’s my viewpoint but I’m not one to judge others.
But reality would always hit me, the thing is that its so tough to just close the door to somebody. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I didn't wanted to end things like this, but it seems its the only way. I always believe in second chances ( or even third, fourth ... ) as long as they are well deserved. Cheap thrills kill relationship and friendship and devastate lives of the innocent. I am learning to let go. Though there is nothing I can do on my part, but I know I should rest easy and know that what goes around comes around.
Anyway, craps aside. Let's get on with the birthday pledge.
Day3 - Age of 3.
Mum said I was notorious for throwing temper tantrums, shouting the word "no" almost constantly, and generally making her lives more difficult. While whining and temper tantrums are just normal for a kid like me, I was also very competitive. I don't like to lose in whatever I'm doing and I always wanted to be the outstanding one. For example, when I was playing with this bunch of kids from my neighborhood, everyone wants to be Ultraman ( yah Ultraman the prick that will go uh-oh when the artificial heart's light starts to go oh-uh )and no one wants to be the bad ass - which is the monsters. I will ended up playing the Godzilla character and slapping everyone's balls there, with no mercy no remorse!
Thing(s) I did on Day 3.
Reflecting Day3 - Age of 3 by "joining my company Ping-Pong Tournament". I was paired with one of my colleague Annuar and we were knocked out at the very First Round. Knn I think my whole entire life I only played Ping-Pong like max 3 times!
[9:22 PM]